Nonviolent Communication

Do you want to resolve conflicts - with yourself and others - in ways that honor your deepest needs? Do you want solutions that work for you and also meet the needs of others? Nonviolent Communication is about how to make that happen. It's about creating the kind of relationship that helps to meet, or at least honor, everyone's needs. It doesn't always get us what we want, but it greatly increases the chances of truly satisfying our underlying needs.

I have found nonviolent communication to be extremely helpful in clearer and more accurate expression. Additionally, the use of nonviolent communication bypasses many of the standard miscommunications and perceived offenses of standard conversation, facilitating information flow without argument. Interestingly, the use of nonviolent communication may also make the speaker appear more charismatic and persuasive.

NVC is the practice of making an observation, expressing a feeling, then a need and making a request. Using NVC takes the charge out of communication which can be so painful and threatening to the survival of the relationship. It allows people to take ownership of their experience and not direct their feelings towards others, which usually only escalates conflict and leads to breakdowns. Utilizing NVC makes hearing one another much easier by staying calm & cool.

NVC is the practice of making an observation, expressing a feeling, then a need and making a request. Using NVC takes the charge out of communication which can be so painful and threatening to the survival of the relationship. It allows people to take ownership of their experience and not direct their feelings towards others, which usually only escalates conflict and leads to breakdowns. Utilizing NVC makes hearing one another much easier by staying calm & cool.

Most of us have been taught to communicate passively, critically, or manipulatively––and that’s so normal to us that we don’t even realize we’re doing it. That is, until we find ourselves feeling powerless to get our needs met, repeating the same conflicts with those we love, and feeling alone or trapped in our relationships. The nonviolent framework provides a systematic approach by teaching us to be present to our own needs, feelings, and requests without blaming others or internalizing shame.

I was introduced to Nonviolent Communication (NVC) about 17 years ago and have been drawing upon the practice ever since. NVC is a way of viewing one's self, one another and the world with empathy--truly listening with an open heart. I am inspired by NVC's stance that humans share common needs. In my work, I listen for those needs; to be understood, to have choice, or be considered, to name a few.

Mindful and compassionate communication (aka Nonviolent Communication or NVC) helps us connect with each other and ourselves in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish. It guides us to reframe the way we express ourselves. NVC serves to teach how to connect empathically with self and others to have more satisfying relationships.

Understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy communication coupled with an understanding of domestic violence influences my expertise in this area. I've worked with clients individually as well as in a group setting to teach skills pertaining to good vs bad communication, conflict resolution, communication styles, boundaries and a host of other topics that influence the exchange of communication.

Nonviolent Communication is the reason I became a therapist and the foundation of my work. I have completed several intensive trainings in NVC both in-person and online.

How are we sharing our needs and wants with others, and are we taking ownership of ourselves as we do so?

I have been using NVC since before becoming a therapist. My partner first introduced it to me back in 2016 as a helpful way to relate to children. But as Marshall Rosenberg made clear, its use can serve people of all ages from any background. This is because the emphasis is on understanding someone else's underlying needs, which we all have. In communicating with "I" statements, recognizing ones feelings and values, and requesting help, we avoid blame, evaluation, and demands that alienate us.

NVC is more than a communication tool, it is a lens through which we can see ourselves and others. I have done multiple trainings in NVC over the past several years which has led me to feel comfortable integrating it into therapy sessions with both individuals and couples. I disagree with the idea that NVC is a script to follow, and rather view it as practice for creating more understanding, compassion, and choice in our lives.